How do we build the courage to act when we know for sure we’ll fall short?

I have an intense desire to execute projects just right, and I've paid the price for falling short, with feedback that made me feel as if I failed for trying at all. I've also paid the price for not starting at all, even receiving contradictory advice that left me feeling stuck about how to start. To be honest, this very newsletter was something I was stuck on for some time. However, here I am. We've started, and let's see how it goes.

When it comes to strengthening the disability community, perfection obviously isn't possible, and starting progress can also mean opening ourselves up to criticism. But here’s what’s certain: there is no improvement without trying, and no progress without starting. 

So this week's challenge is: How do we build the courage to act when we know for sure we’ll fall short?

Honest Story

Jeffrey Norgren, a parent to a child with a disability, announced that he planned to transition his language from referring to his child as having “special needs” to “special rights”. The result? Thousands of comments from the disability community disagreed with Jeffrey’s chosen language. Jeffrey’s intent was in the right place, and instead of choosing defensiveness, he changed his mind, adopted a perspective beyond his own, and adapted his language while maintaining his respectful intent. And what came of this was imperfect but authentic restoration and continued strengthening of the disability community, together. This happens all the time. Employee Resource Groups named with good intentions, conversations about a disabled loved one comprising language some disabled experts haven’t muttered in years. And what’s true? We cannot grow without risking using any language at all. What we can all do is think outside ourselves, change our minds, and choose to iterate.

Rigorous Learning

Avoidance fuels anxiety. We know this from the research. Researchers have hypothesized that avoidance behaviors are inefficient and ineffective coping methods that can induce negative emotional states (such as worry, distraction, or threat) that in turn generate stressful life events (Elliot et al., 2011).

Consider if there’s been a moment you’ve witnessed a curious child asking a parent, “Is that person okay?” in public about a person in a wheelchair, and the parent quickly hushed the child. This avoidance hurts everyone involved: The wheelchair user, the parent, and the child. Why? Whether we realize it or not, it models that it is standard to avoid talking about or interacting with others who are different from ourselves and our lived experiences. The parent might feel they don’t know the right language to use with or about the wheelchair user, or feel embarrassed that their child was not as polite as they hoped for. The child is trying to navigate the world and is curious, and they were silenced for trying to learn more about someone who looks different from them. The wheelchair user may feel their experience is minimized when it goes unacknowledged. That leaves us in a difficult position: we can try to engage and risk getting it wrong, or avoid the conversation altogether, guaranteeing that our discomfort grows and our understanding never does.

Remember, the opposite is also true: we can reduce our discomfort through leaning into the challenge, even if it means our anxiousness is heightened in the moment as we aim for impossible perfection.

In this scenario, it is okay for the parent to respond to the child with: "Sometimes people who experience pain use equipment like wheelchairs to get from place to place more easily. If the person is comfortable sharing, you could ask them more about their wheelchair".

Work of Art

Elizabeth Jameson’s ‘Reimagined Brain’ artwork comprises a collection of MRIs, some including her own, as a means of transforming clinical, unsettling medical images into compelling works of art. Reimagining scans that are associated with fear and medical diagnosis, Jameson embraces a subject that is often feared, inviting people to move beyond discomfort and engage in open, honest conversations about disability.

Jameson’s work has generated a ripple effect, resulting in a webcast, essay series, TEDx talk, published articles, and conversations through various exhibitions across the world, demonstrating how art can create space for dialogue around topics that we too often choose to avoid due to discomfort.

Practical Experiment

Take a deep breath, tell yourself you can, and start somewhere. Seek a conversation with someone different from you, maintain curiosity, acknowledge that you won’t be perfect, and remember that avoidance will only fuel your fear.

Is there someone in your life you know who has a disability, and you’ve found yourself avoiding engaging entirely? Sit next to them or their family member, ask a question about them- any question at all; even if your question lands awkwardly, it’s a starting point. That one moment, despite your uncertainty, could transform fear into understanding and connection.

Reflection

What is one piece of feedback you've received while trying that initially stung, and later taught you something?

Next Week’s Challenge

How can we replace the pressure to be perfect with the commitment to keep learning?